Well, 2015 is quickly coming to a close and I am in deep contemplation about what I want to accomplish in 2016. This year has been a whirlwind and a lot has changed in my life. Heck, a lot has changed in the world. I started the year buried under my dissertation and praying that I would meet my advisor’s deadline to have a finished manuscript in February. Who knew that nearly a month off from work in January and the stress of it all would put me in the hospital with monitors hooked up to my body. Thankfully I was released that same day, but I was told that I would need to take 3 days off from work and school. So what was the diagnosis you ask? I was under so much stress that I was experiencing symptoms associated with a heart attack. Don’t let anybody tell you that a little stress never hurt anybody! Not true. My body was physically beat up from all of the pressure I was feeling to the point that I could not breathe.
Needless to say, I defended March 9, 2015 and my doctorate was conferred in April. My family flew with me to Boston to participate in the hooding ceremony and commencement which was one of the most amazing moments in my life! I would not have traded it for the world. I was (and still am) on cloud 9. It still feels surreal to know that I am now Dr. Davis. I totally did that!
Some of the things that remember about 2015 have left an indelible mark on my life and I will spend some of 2016 writing and reflecting on these things. For instance, I was personally moved by the #BlackLivesMatter movement. The deaths of so many African-Americans at the hands of police really caused me to pause and reflect on whether or not my educational accomplishments really even matter in the grand scheme of things. I do not feel immune to the violence I have seen in spite of my accomplishments and have felt helpless in my ability to make a difference in the movement.
Another change in that I experienced in 2015 was the loss of friends. I learned that one of the casualties of working on yourself and pursuing a terminal degree is that many of your so-called friends who were with you in the beginning of your journey will not be there with you in the end. I found that people who were in my circle slowly started to fade away the further along I got into my doctoral program. I chose to step away from a lot of personal relationships and activities in order to focus on school. Unfortunately, when I finished my degree my entire world had changed. On one hand, I had accomplished this major feat. On the other hand, people around me had moved on.
Finally, as I re-emerge into the land of the living and attempt to regain my place in the world, I am embracing starting over. Even though some people left me behind, I too left people behind. Funny how you notice all of the empty relationships you have in your life when your time is such a premium. I will just put it out there….my tolerance for dudes who make the proverbial phone call when its convenient for them have been given the boot. I’m not mad. I’m just cleaning house. But we’ll save that for another day.
So I leave 2015 feeling free of all the dead weight that had been on my shoulders and ready to start anew. Next year will be the year for new and exciting things for me. I am looking forward to a new job, a new relationship, a new life, and a new me!
The Kole Chronicles 